Illumina

more feathers

2010-12-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

Carrying on with the "feathers" theme, Chuck has taken up residence in and around our back yard. As near as we can tell, Chuck is either a young male or a female pheasant. My friend Judy from church, who's a bird watcher, confirmed our suspicions when I showed her the pictures I took. I think he likes our yard because there are plenty of places to hide, and his presence satisfies my goal of having a wildlife-friendly yard. Judy said that young birds aren't always that savvy and don't always do the safest things, but I think our yard is actually a pretty good choice: no pesticides, plenty to eat, lots of cover, and chickens for company. We've been keeping a plastic bowl full of chicken feed right outside the coop for him (her?) to eat. There are some critters that I wouldn't want in my yard, but having a resident pheasant is pretty cool.

(Chuck's hiding there in the center of the picture, partially hidden by a branch of the red-berried shrub. Sadly, after the hard freeze last week, the red berries are now black. They were one of my favorite parts of winter. They ripen in November, and when they're ripe they exactly match my kitchen floor. The shrub dominates the view out my kitchen window, but this year I only got to enjoy the flood of scarlet for about two weeks before the frost zapped them. There'll be nothing for the robins to eat in January, either. Usually that shrub [a Chinese cononeaster, in case you were curious] is a bird buffet.)

hope is the thing with feathers

2010-11-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

So yesterday at Mass Father Christopher built his sermon around the first line of an Emily Dickinson poem, "Hope is the thing with feathers". And, because I have more nerve than common sense, I wrote a poem that refers to her poem.

Hope is the thing with feathers
flashing past the sun,
catching your eye and giving you a reason

To reach out
and flick the clouds away
fingernails smooth
since you finally learned
not to chew them.

But you can't stop your knee from bouncing
180 beats a minute
-should have one skinny leg-
it pistons away
a pop-off valve for

Your soul

gives the thing
with feathers
a place to perch
(patient haven)
while you glare at the sun
and clouds surge.

today I am thankful for...

2010-11-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for the hour in the morning before everyone gets up.
I am thankful for the best job in the world.
I am thankful that my back doesn't hurt.
I am thankful for my friends who are like sisters and my sisters who are my friends.
I am thankful that my kids put up with me and that my husband still loves me.
I am thankful that we're all still at it, plugging away, learning and laughing and loving each other.

unwilling

2010-09-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

It's not that I am unwilling,
I'm just not ready to give up.
Don't expect to make a killing,
I just want to make the first cut.

Jim Keller/ The Fentons

flexibility

2010-08-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

Freewrite Exercise: What have you lost?

I have lost flexibility. I'm sitting in my desk chair with my left leg stretched out in front of me, resting on a second chair, because the hamstring is tight and the sciatic nerve is twanging all the way down to my ankle. It's been irritated since my yoga practice yesterday morning. Guess I did too much down dog or something.
The yoga is important, though. It may be the most important thing I do. Lately I've felt like the area from shoulders to hips is becoming a solid block of immobility. It's painful to bend, even worse to try to get back up. This stiffness is the result of the after-effects of back surgery, the fear that I'll move wrong and blow the disk again, and a heavy helping of just getting old. The expression, "set in your ways" is starting to feel very familiar.
That expression implies a level of complicity on the part of the accused. "She's set in her ways" suggests that she has a routine that she's comfortable with and that she's not motivated to change. Speaking as "she", I'd like to suggest there may be more to it than that. If there are ways that I'm set in, likely they're the result of choices from the past catching up with me. Any lack of flexibility now has as much to do with the needs of husband and kids and work dictating my actions as it does with any age-related mental fixedness. I simply can't get up and do whatever I want.
For the most part that's ok, although at times I feel sad for the girl I was, who didn't know what she had when she had it. I hope that age has given me the wisdom to appreciate this moment in time before it passes. While the yoga practice stretches the body, it teaches patience with limits, and as the body maintains a level of flexibility, so too will the mind stay open to new ideas. My routine might not change, but I hope my ideas do.

first yoga

2010-05-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

Took a yoga class yesterday. Ok, it was a gentle yoga class, just a few postures done with great attention to form. It was the first movement that I've been able to do in months besides activities of daily living and walks around the neighborhood. I'd tell you it felt good, but that wouldn't cover it. The connective tissue between my clavicles and sternum tickled. My ribs felt light. The muscles between my spine and shoulder blades were humming. My jaw felt like it wanted to slide open, fall down on my chest, and stay there. The feelings lasted all afternoon.

Last week I had a massage. The massage therapist was able to work deeper than she has before, and as she worked I could feel her pull tension and tears out of the knots of muscle. Afterwards I drank lots of water to wash those feelings out of my system. The yoga class yesterday was a continuation of the massage. Following the class I had the frequent urge to sigh, to let go of the tightness I don't even realize I'm carrying. Religion may save my soul, but right now I believe yoga may save me from myself. Namaste

Today I....

2010-04-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

....am almost 48 and hate getting old. I keep waiting for the epiphany that 40-something models and actresses seem to always describe in magazine articles. "Now I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin. I don't worry so much about what other people think." Or thereabouts. Actually, now I feel invisible and fat and it's expensive to keep from having grey hair. Not that I'm whining. Other people can think what they want.

....am compulsively reading all the Stephanie Plum mysteries, all of them, in whatever order the libarary can get them to me. Gives me something to do while I wait for the next Sookie Stackhouse book. A good book has to have romance and laughter. A little sex and the occasional succinct observation about human nature are ok too.

....love my work, almost always.

....am tripping on the fact that my 12-year-old can look me in the eye.

....am amused by the fact that my 10-year-old was able to figure out part of the theme to the movie Halloween on the piano....although if I hadn't learned that fact at noon when I was asleep after working the night before, it would have been ok.

....can walk with very little discomfort, and I only needed tylenol twice. I'm still not past the "oh my God I'm so thankful I can move" stage.

....would like a date with my husband. Maybe for my birthday?

better now, thanks

2010-03-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

I've walked around knocking on wood all weekend. The stiffness in my low back and left leg is much better. I honestly don't think I've felt this good since we were in Australia. Even working two shifts hasn't been that big a deal. I don't know what's made the difference. When I talked with Dr Lee, the Neurosurgeon, earlier this week, he basically said that my leg was likely to hurt, maybe forever, and some days more than others. So I've been trying to get my brain around this new reality, and reset my expectations to this new normal. And now I feel better. Go figure.

Did I mention I'm very very grateful? I sat for a few minutes in my favorite big orange stuffed chair and watched basketball this afternoon (Duke vs Baylor....hate Duke...). Dear Daughter walked into the living room and said, "Wow Mom, you're sitting up. Haven't seen you do that in a while." It didn't last long, but it was fun. Every time I get up out of a chair or out of bed I say "thank you". Even if my new normal does involve periodic stiffness and leg pain, at least I'm walking. Amen.

Acca Dacca Back-ta-back-a

2010-02-14T12:38:00.000-08:00

Not really sure how to spell the title. It's Aussie-speak for when the radio DJ plays two AC DC songs in a row. Acca Dacca (sp?) is common slang for AC DC, and they've been in concert here in Melbourne so we've heard it used quite a lot. We're learning all kinds of Australian slang....bathing suits are bathers, Aussie-rules football is footie. Chili-bin is a New Zealand term for a cooler. (I think it would make a great band name, btw, The Chilibins.) I'm sure we sound like big dorks trying to work some of these terms into conversation with our blatently American accents, but there you go.

I'm used to being a dork, having spent a great deal of my life convinced that's what I was. Heidi was always the cool one. She was the leader, the one I looked up to most when we were kids. We're close in age, only 16 months apart. That made us pretty competitive, and as a survival strategy Mom encouraged us to persue different interests. Heidi was the dancer, and I was the swimmer. Heidi was the cute one, the boy magnet, and I was...well....not. I remember once when we were in high school in Guantanamo Bay, one of my friends told me about an assignment that had been given to the Junior year English class. They were to write about the person they respected most. My friend said Heidi wrote about me. I couldn't imagine what she'd found say.

We haven't spent two weeks in the same house since Christmas of 1985, when I came home to Seattle from Honolulu for Christmas break. That week was a blur of getting dressed up and driving in the snow to different dance clubs. We played pretty hard. Honestly, we've played pretty hard this week too. Heidi still likes a party, and I've been happy to go along, but it's felt like daily life, not like a flashback to our wild youth. We've gotten on much better than I anticipated. I guess age does have its benefits.

When Heidi comes home to Seattle, it's always a big dramatic event. She's a flash of neon running crossways to our misty Seattle grey. Now that I see her real life, though, she makes more sense to me. The amount of energy she throws at life, her caring, her generosity, her discipline, is astonishing. She and Kevin together are providng the platform from which their oldest son is developing his national and international swimming goals. That means one of them gets up at 4am to take him to practice, then Heidi picks him and 4 other swimmers up at 7:30 to take them to school. Then she drops her younger son off at school. Then she goes to work. She's second in command for a company that has offices in 16 cities in Australia and New Zealand, and has 44 people working in her Melbourne office alone. Her focus is strategic development and HR, and the work I've seen her do this week is brilliant. I've heard her end of several conference calls, and she's been been clear, kind, and confident; all the things you'd want in a good leader.

After working all day, she knocks off at 6ish, goes for a run, then picks the swimmers back up at 7 from their afternoon work-out. That's the Monday through Friday routine. Weekends are more relaxed, though Swimmer Boy has a three hour workout Saturday morning and usually finds some reason to swim on Sundays as well. He's golden, handsome, and awsomely, incredibly driven. His younger brother is wrapped in the stormclouds that 16 year olds find for themselves, but has a sly blue-eyed grin that speaks well for his future.

The only time Heidi and I have come close to an arguement was standing in the butcher shop. Kent asked us to buy some thin-sliced steaks to saute. Usually what we get at home is from the cheapest cut, sliced very thin to disguise how tough it is. The only thin sliced beef they had was labeled weiner schnitzel, and was $20/kg. That was twice as much as any of the other steaks, and Heidi's like, "Give me a kilo." I'm freaking, "Wait, that's too expensive", and she's like, "Get over it. That's how we do things here." So we bought 1.5 kg of this weiner schnitzel and Kent sauted it in garlic and onions and a little red wine and it was lovely. That's how she works. She and Kevin have more money than they have time. It seems extravagant, from my more tightly-budgeted perspective, but having seen a little of her reality, I understand better.

Yesterday Kevin's brothers came over with their families for an afternoon of fun and food. Kevin's older brother's wife is from Thailand, and they'd been to the market on Friday to get stuff to make dinner. They brought chicken, beef, shrimp, vegies, and sauces and spices for seven different Thai dishes. We had pud thai, yellow curry vegetables, cashew chicken, spicy beef salad, thom yum soup, way more food than we could eat. I've heard so much over the years about all of Kevin's family, so it was beautiful to finally attach faces to the names. We ate, we swam, and we watched cricket, which is a sport I'm only beginning to sort of understand.

Seeing them yesterday afternoon, it was clear that Heidi's Australian family loves her. She's part of the fabric here, and while I miss having her nearby, I understand better why she chooses this life. It might feel weird to sort through these ideas on a blog, but there are people who I want to see this, to help me process. My sister is one of the most powerful, complicated figures in my life, and its been too long since we've been this close. I love you, Heidi, and I'm in awe of what you're doing here. As usual, you are the cool one.

Aussie Rules Football

2010-02-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

Here we are, over half way through the trip. Good times! On Sunday we went to Mass at St Patrick's Cathedral. It's an impressive, no, imposing place. The architecture is Gothic Revival, and while you all know I like me some goth, this place makes Blessed Sacrament look like a bright and airy space. (Well, it is for a Gothic church, but that's another discussion). The exterior is black stone with tan spires and roof. Don't think I've ever seen a black stone church before. The interior is all narrow nave, high arches, dark wood and gilding. It's beautiful but somber.

The acoustic was wonderful, although whenever I opened my mouth to sing Ruby elbowed me and told me to be quiet. Wow, I'm looking forward to adolescence. We went to the 9:30 Mass so that we could get to Max's swim meet, and there was only a cantor rather than a whole choir. He had a beautiful voice, although it was a bit of a disconnect to hear him go from singing perfect round vowels and diction to announcing the hymns with a flat vowel Aussie twang. They must have a pretty good choir, though. Their bulletin listed the music for all the Masses, and the later Masses used Mass parts by Victoria and a closing piece by Couperin. In my experience, you don't sing Couperin unless you know what you're doing. We won't likely make it back to Mass there next Sunday, although it would be cool to hear the choir.

Monday's big event was the Super Bowl. It was broadcast live at 10am. We made a big pot of chili w/ guacamole, shredded cheese and cornbread (Yum, Heidi!) for lunch, which we ate during the 2nd half. My brother-in-law takes Super Bowl Monday off from work every year, and he spent the whole game sending text messages to one of the kids one the swim team, keeping him updated on the score while he was in school. According to my sister, if you asked 10 people on the streets of Melbourne if they knew what the Super Bowl was, fewer than 5 would know, which makes Kevin and young Harry the exceptions, not the rule. Most of us were honorary New Orleans fans, so we liked the outcome. We missed the commercials, though. They didn't broadcast the US commercials, so instead we watched quite a few bits advertising life insurance, then long stretches showing highlights of previously played games accompanied by music. You guys sure got to watch a lot of commercials, especially towards the end of the game. Sorry we missed them!

Tuesday we practiced with the bus system, riding the 301 into town to the Fitzroy district. It was fun to poke around in the little shops and restaurants. Got some great pictures, then spent the afternoon by the pool at Chez Halson. Wednesday we got bolder and went by bus and tram to the Melbourne Zoo. It's one of the oldest zoos in the world. It's set up with naturalistic exhibits, but the emphasis is on creatures from the southern hemisphere. My son needs to write an article for his class newspaper as homework while he's here. He hasn't come up with anything yet, and I kept suggesting potential topics as we went along. Like, how about the Philippine water crocodile that's an endangered species, and the Melbourne Zoo is part of an international effort to preserve the species. Maybe the Woodland Park Zoo is part of the same effort, which would give the story a local angle. He didn't like that one.

Then I read aloud the sign by the pen holding Mary the wombat, who was rescued from the fires that burned throughout the states of Victoria and New South Wales this time last year. That topic was also a nonstarter for the school paper, although we've heard a lot about the fires since we've been here. Last Sunday was the one-year anniversary of Black Saturday, when 173 people died in the fires. The sermon at church last Sunday was in part a commemoration of Black Saturday, and we've heard mention of the fires on news stories over the last few days. You can really feel the strength of the shared group memories. Heidi says they only thing that affected them was that they could see ash raining down into their yard, which is probably closer than I'd want them to be to something that horrible.

Both of our tourist days have been somewhat limited by the 35C temperatures. (XC x 2 + 30 = YF; X = 35....do the math). We've been saved by the pool here at Chez Halson. Last night the kids went for a swim after dinner, practicing with their boogie boards for the beach today. The grown-ups sat by the pool sipping wine and watching the fruit bats fly over the backyard. Every night they fly over on their way to the Botanical Garden in Kew. Not a bad way to live....

Aloha from Melbourne

2010-02-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

We've been here two days now. My sister and her husband have been so gracious. Their home is lovely. Heidi must have memorized the Martha Stewart chapter on how to welcome guests. She's done many many Good Things. There were thick robes and slippers and little samples of shampoos and lotions in our room when we got here. The whole house is so open and clean; lots of windows, lots of light.

They live down a country lane, one with large and lovely homes all around. It reminds me of New England, the suburbs around Boston where Kent's Aunt Caroline & Uncle Dave live. The view from her back yard suggests Italy...or at least pictures I've seen of Italy. They're surrounded by hills that roll down to the Yarra River, with stucco homes settled on their flanks. It's very much what I'd imagine Tuscany to look like, except for the gum trees and eucalyptus.

The yard itself is huge. Green grass flows down hill to a triangle point, lined with trees along both sides. Heidi has a vegie bed that's bigger than my front yard. They say they lost a number of trees and shrubs to last summer's drought, and she had to completely plow under the vegie bed because there was no water to spare for it. It's raining more regularly this year, and Kevin says their reservoir levels are up over 35%. The grassy areas along the highways are still brown, but their yard and the hills around them are generously green.

Last night we sat outside and had dinner by the pool. The cicadas were loud, which Heidi says means it's going to be a warm day today. They don't come out when it's cool. We've seen lorakeets and cockateils and kookaburras, and yesterday morning we hiked down toward the river to see the kangaroos. Even more unusual for us Northwesterners, in the afternoon we walked through downtown Melbourne to see AC-DC Lane and Batman Avenue. Go figure.

This morning we'll go to Mass at St Patrick's Cathedral. My nephew has a swim meet, so we'll go see him swim this afternoon. Apparently the meet's being held in a complex that has both indoor and outdoor pools, and there's a wave pool that we'll all be able to swim in when we're not actually cheering on the Surrey Park swimmers. This is where I wanted to paste in a couple paragraphs written by the kids describing their experiences so far. Funny, I can't get them to sit down and write anything. They've been too busy. Maybe later today.....

idea for a poem

2010-01-18T06:54:00.000-08:00

teaching the kids to jaywalk across Broadway
good job Mom

making dinner out of pasta and pastry and cheese
with vegetables as a condiment
laughter as a sauce
strong work Dad

letting them listen to songs with 4-letter words
in the lyrics
they know Gramma would have a fit
if she heard them use those words

daughter passes me in the kitchen
"that cookie dough is good"
Wait, I think
you know you're not supposed to eat
raw cookie dough,
and her eyes sparkle
she does know
but dares me to say....

What?

Do I really want to raise my kids
in a world where you can't eat
raw cookie dough?
(truly one of the finest things in life)
where you can't
(after looking both ways twice)
jaywalk
cuz it's raining and you need the shortest path
from A to B?
and swearing? no swearing?

a world where you Must Always Eat Vegetables
or suffer the wrath of
who?
The Parent Police?
God?
The endless pain of knowing you weren't the perfect parent?

Oh, that.

ideas

2009-12-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

Reality is stratified, like the layers of an onion or the pages of a book. Between the pages are the spaces where ideas grow. Just fragile shreds of summer-green lace, these tiny poppy sprouts spread wild across the crumbled chocolate earth. They're not in rows like the seedlings in a vegetable bed, not as formal as furrows or as homely as beans. They wait, dancing radiant and random, weaving in and out of the pages of reality.
You need to be still, still as dust, still as your favorite cat, to feel the pages turn and see the spaces open up. The ideas are already there, little needy things that require the light of your attention, salty moisture from the sweat of your practice, and the fine fertile earth of imagination in which to put down roots. Then they'll grow as they grow. You can't push them, can't force a poppy to be a tree. You open yourself, offer your voice, maybe weed a little or sometimes gently prune. Giving them this quiet care will cultivate thriving ideas that you can transplant easily.

thankful

2009-11-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for the floor.
I'm thankful that the cats are usually willing to keep me company.
I'm thankful that the coffee's almost done and that right now my back hurts < 5.
I'm thankful that my mini-Frankenstein didn't also fracture his jaw.
I'm thankful for stick-on heat patches and doctors who respond to email.
I'm thankful I get to be a soccer mom.
I'm thankful for the magical dinners that have appeared at critical moments over the last couple weeks.
I'm thankful that Dear Husband vacuumed the rug yesterday.
I'm thankful for friends and family who are as solid as the floor I'm laying on.
The perspective's a bit different this year, but there's no less emotion attached.
Peace.

did nothing today

2009-11-11T22:06:00.001-08:00

Let me repeat that. Did nothing today. The kids were out of school because of the holiday, so I slept in till almost 8:30, and when I did get up, I made it just as far as the living room floor, where I made up a nest of blankets and pillows and settled in with my feet up on the ottoman, resting my back. I read a book. I guess that counts for something.

Never once did the kids say, "What are we doing today, Mom?" They needed a day off as badly as I did. Around 11am I felt a little guilty, so I pulled them away from the computer and the Wii and made them get dressed. Told them we were going for a walk. They thought that was fine, as long as it involved a stop at 7-11. Deal. As a bonus there were a couple of near-sun experiences along the way.

The walk was hard because my back hurt, so we didn't make it any farther than 7-11 and back. Bought a lottery ticket. That counts too. After the walk I went back to the living room floor, Dear Daughter picked up some homework, Daughter's Dear Friend started drawing, and Dear Son went back to the computer. The kids made themselves lunch and played outside while I took a nap. Gotta love older kids. The biggest excursion was taking Dear Son to his piano lesson at 4, with a stop a Safeway afterwards. Then I started dinner, letting Loving Husband finish putting it together. I get partial credit for that one.

Tonight I have to work, and I've been here since 7pm, which probably does count as doing something, although it's sort of like a different day stuck onto the end of the one I already had. The one where I didn't do anything. I finished a book and bought a lottery ticket and took a nap and scrambled some hamburger. Not so much, really.

the game

2009-11-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

I'll do my best to set the scene. We were down in Georgetown, a neighborhood on the south end of Seattle. It's mostly light industry, but there's a crosshatch of around a dozen blocks of houses between Michigan St and the freeway. The houses are mostly small post-war boxes, with a few old Victorians mixed in. With the incredible rise in housing prices over the last ten years, Georgetown earned the reputation as one of the last affordable neighborhoods, a place you could buy at a semi-reasonable price. You could buy if you were adventurous and didn't mind that there wasn't a neighborhood school or a grocery store. People did buy, and most of the old houses have been fixed up. Now, except for the trucks and the traffic noise, the strip malls and office complexes, it looks ok.

The soccer field has also been fixed up recently. My Mom says that she and a friend once tried to go metal detecting on that field but left soon after starting because it was so filthy. "It's the only time that's happened," she said. "We're pretty hardy, but it was just gross." Now it has an artificial surface, tall lights, a clean bathroom, and two short sections of silver metal bleachers. The Catholics must have a contract for use of the field, because one of the coaches told me it used to be the practice field for the O'Day soccer team.

This was a second round play-off game for the CYO soccer 6th grade girls teams. Our team is made up of girls from St Catherine's and Our Lady of the Lake (OLL). St Catherine's is a small-to-medium-sized school. OLL is a little smaller. The team is about 2/3rds St C's players to 1/3 OLL. The St C's mascot is the tiger and the OLL mascot is the lion. The girls'll stand on the sidelines and yell, "Go Ligers!" during the game. Before the game they'll gather in a cluster, hold hands in the center, and yell, "Lions and tigers and goals, Oh My! Lions and tigers and goals, Oh My!" The dynamic the St C's/OLL team has is really cool.

We were playing the team from Holy Family in West Seattle. When we all got to the field, the Holy Family parents had already staked out the north end bleacher, so we took the south. The Holy Family girls were already on the field warming up. Their warm-ups seemed to involve a whole lot of cheering. They cheered during their drills. They ran around the field in a cluster, cheering the whole way, like a bunch of Marines in ponytails, skinny headbands and red white and blue uniforms. Our girls ran their drills without making nearly as much noise. At first I thought they might be intimidated. They weren't.

When we got to the field, it was raining. Not a normal Seattle drizzle, but a,"hey you might be somewhere tropical except it's 50 degrees" kind of downpour. The girls were completely soaked by about ten minutes into their warm up. My main concern was for the girls who wouldn't be starting the game, that they'd get cold standing on the sidelines. Turns out they were all so jacked up they didn't notice. I'd brought a 10x10' canopy and set it up a little past our bleachers, pulling the girl's backpacks and jackets underneath it to keep them out of the rain. The Holy Family parents set up two canopies, which I tried not to take as some kind of omen. Then, one of our coaches showed up with a second canopy, so I felt like we'd at least equaled their effort. A while later an OLL Dad showed up with another one, so we had three. We were able to cover most of our bleacher and had room to walk around. Point to St C's/OLL.

By the time the game actually started, the rain had let up. Adding to the complexity of the situation, last spring St C's hired as our new principal a woman who'd been principal at Holy Family for the last 20 years. She did the opening coin toss. I'm not sure which school won but I do know our girls got the ball right away and took it down the field. They were aggressive, passing the ball cleanly, moving quick. The first half was a draw, although St C's made three or four solid shots on goal. One went over top of the goal, one bounced off an upright, one was a bit wide. They were close but didn't get one over. In the meantime, our goalie only had to handle the ball once in the first half, and even that wasn't a serious shot. At halftime we were playing well, but the score was tied at zero.

The Holy Family girls didn't cheer for themselves during the half-time break. When the whistle blew, both teams came back onto the field. Play resumed. It felt a little more balanced, with Holy Family getting the ball down on the St C's/OLL end of the field a little more often. Still no score. The tension on the field was nothing compared with the tension on the sideline. It was interesting to watch the parents, most of whom I've known since Dear Daughter was in first grade. Some of the mothers stood in little clumps, heads together and almost holding hands. The men were more likely to stand alone, or maybe in pairs. Some of us walked. I kept telling myself that as long as I was moving and saying the Hail Mary, I wouldn't throw up. I didn't, so it must have worked. I passed the same people again and again as I went back and forth along the sideline. I was the only one mumbling to myself.

In Seattle in November, the sun sets by around 5 o'clock. Since the game started at 3:30, by the time the second half started it was dark enough that we needed the overhead lights. It felt surreal, standing in the cold and damp, the freeway running above us to the east, the long offramp from I5 into Georgetown wrapping along the south end of the field. Georgetown is just north of Boeing Field, which put us right under the flight path. The later it got, the more frequently small planes and jets flew right overhead, their silver bellies looking close enough to touch. A couple of times the planes were low enough that it held up the game, the ref standing on the sideline holding the ball and looking up instead of tossing it to a player for the in-bound play.

St C's/OLL got a couple more shots on goal, then FINALLY punched one through. I think it was actually one of the midfielders who got off a good kick from about a quarter of the way back up the field. The girls went crazy, and so did everyone on the south end of the sidelines. I was afraid the girls would be so excited they'd forget to play defense. They kept their focus, though, and held on. At one point I walked past my Dad, who was really impressed. He said he thought the girls were playing at a much higher level than he'd seen before. It didn't feel like we were watching eleven year olds out there. These girls can rock it.

The St C's/OLL score happened at probably the 10 minute mark of the 30 minute half, which meant we had to play for 20 more minutes without letting them score. That got harder and harder to do. The last three to five minutes, the Holy Family girls found another gear and really ratcheted things up. Out of the maybe six solid shots on goal they had all game, four came in the last two to three minutes. Our goalie made a couple of mind-blowing plays to hold them off. I've known this kid since before Darling Daughter actually started at St C's, because they took swimming lessons together when they were in kindergarten. It was just amazing to see her focus and composure when they were just hammering the ball at her. On one play, the Holy Family player got off a solid, high kick, point blank in front of the goal. Our goalie jumped straight up, arms fully extended, and got her fingertips on the underside of the ball just enough to flick it up and over top of the goal. No score. The sideline went crazy on that one. After another flurry of shots, it looked like they got one in, but apparently the ref had blown the whistle so it didn't count. There was less than a minute left at that point.

Finally, FINALLY, the whistle blew the long blasts that meant the game was over. The girls on our sideline all ran out on the field, and as a group they picked the goalie up and carried her back to the sideline. The parents faced each other in two rows, forming a tunnel with our arms that the girls ran through as they were coming off the field. It had started to rain again, but no one really paid much attention. Girls were laughing and crying and hugging and so were their parents. I've shared a lot with these people in the last 5 years. St C's is a tight community. There have been good times and there have been tough times. For me, this was right up there with the best.

Watching Dear Daughter's face after the game was an absolute joy. She's really having fun with this. She doesn't seem to have any ego about whether she starts or not or how much she plays. She's happy to be there, happy to be part of the team, and happy they're winning. The team is deep. After the coaches send in their starting players, they could field a pretty decent team with the girls left on the sideline. They've done a great job of balancing the playing time so that no one has been unhappy. The St C's players have played together since kindergarten, some of them, or first grade. All the girls in the 6th grade class, except for two, are on the soccer team. They've been a combined team with OLL since third grade. This is turning into a really cohesive group. They're a team. Lions and tigers and goals, Oh My!

They've got one game left. Tomorrow they play Assumption-St Bridgets (ASB) for the championship. ASB had a better regular season record, but the last time we played them we beat them 5 - 0. Ok, so that was in 5th grade. They probably hold a grudge against us because of it. The girls have all worked so hard, and they're having so much fun, that it's too bad someone has to lose tomorrow. Several times this week I've reminded Dear Daughter to enjoy this. Enjoy wearing your team jersey to school on Thursday, with your soccer shorts under your uniform khaki pants. Enjoy getting out of school an hour early to get to the game. Enjoy going back to school on Friday to hear the score of the game as part of the morning announcements, then listen to the cheers from all over the school. This kind of lightening doesn't strike every day. Get out there and rock the soccer field. Have fun.

Update: Despite an amazing effort, the St C's/OLL team lost 0-1 to ASB this afternoon. They can be proud of themselves, though, because they left it all on the field. Everyone gave 100%, but ASB snuck a goal in with less than 30 seconds left in the game. It's been a great season, and now that we know the way, we're going to want to be back in the Championship game next year. Lions and tigers and goals, OH MY!

grip

2009-10-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

I worry, you know. It makes me feel tight and twisted, seeing cares like leaves caught in the wind laying down a gold carpet on the shoulders of the road. I can't dance fast enough, searching for light wherever it lays, crystal fever fighting all the shadows. Don't ever want to let go. Prying fingers off, loosening the grip. Whatever it is that you can't give up is the thing you really need to.
Disengage.
Find the balance of caring. The carp in the pond outside the museum might care deeply about the thickly lacquered carvings, pottery with a bottomless finish wrapped up in minute silk stitches, but the carp can't stop the cocky teen who touches where it says, "Do Not". They know enough to let go. They swim, and they dream of their cousins caught in scratchy black ink climbing up the parchment, but it's all the same to them. It should be all the same to me. To love, to care, but not to grip. Sometimes my hands are so tight the white knuckle bones peel through the skin, tendons strung like the wires at the neck of an electric guitar. Loosen the hands. Show the caring by loosening the hands.

520 Bridge Song

2009-10-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Don't drive right up on my ass, please.
Where are you going to go?
We're on a two-lane bridge
and I'm driving as fast
as the cars around me.
There's nothing to do
but watch the moon,
(full cratered moon -
band of trees and houses
bank of smudgy clouds
giant pearl hanging over Bellevue
in a rusty rose sky)

and KING FM is playing piano
I think it's Bach.
Can't tell if I've heard this piece before
but the spaces in the melody
are whispering his name.

So breath, Mr.
We'll be across in a minute,
lanes will open up,
and you can go chase someone else.

garden shots - spring 09

2009-05-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

The other morning I got out early with my camera. There was a light overcast, and I was hoping it would be bright enough to photograph well but not so bright as to make shadows. I don't think I have a very good camera, but I do like how the garden looks. Above is a photo of the front walkway. There's a rockrose in bloom, as well as the wild lilac.

This is another view of the front walkway. The strawberries are in bloom, although a bunch of volunteer _______ have come up in the the midst of them. You can see the rock birdbath, and to the right of it is a three-leaf sumac.

This is from our back porch. This shot would be prettier if I'd cleaned off the table first, but I like the mix of plants and pot colors.

Last weekend we moved the chicken coop to the other side of the yard, because the neighbors complained about the smell. Now it's under the kitchen window, so we can keep a closer eye on them, and it looks cool under the tree there.

This is another back porch shot, showing my pretty Japanese maple with the yellow grass growing around it in the pot.

Also from the back porch. I think this is the only rhododendron color I like. The buds start scarlet then turn yellow as they bloom, sorta like little sunsets. Very pretty.

The enkianthus in bloom. This is the best year yet for this tree. Also, the blossoms show up more with the golden hops growing up behind it.

One of the two raised beds in the front yard. Mostly herbs in this one - sage, chives, oregano, lavender. Also planted garlic in it last fall, and they're looking good. Put some Walla Walla Sweet onions in this spring, and planted corn in the center. It's looking good so far, and that sage on the near end is going to look fabulous in a couple more days when it's all in bloom.

This is one of the three Pacific Coast iris that I have growing along the front walkway. I love the saturated purple color!

This is the other side of the rock birdbath, showing the sumac on the left and some monarda (?) Ruby (Something) in front of it.

This view is looking across the front yard towards the front walkway. It's so peaceful in the front yard. The only thing I want to fix is that it needs a couple little chairs or a bench or something so you can sit and enjoy it. Of course there's always things to fix......all over......

school auction

2009-05-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

So last Saturday was the school auction. Overall, it was a success, which was a good thing, because it was a whole ton of work. I was the contact person for catering. I also helped with supplying the bar and to a lesser extent helped with the Head Table. It was fun, but did I mention it was a whole lot of work? We raised about the same amount of money as last year, with the exception of the Fund An Enhancement portion, which did very well to the tune of $85k.
The energy there was really interesting. People had fun. In fact, they seemed determined to have fun. People partied. They were clearly committed to the cause, and they clearly wanted to raise money for the school, but, given the current economy, there was an undercurrent of anxiety about doing it. Not quite dancing on the deck of the Titanic, but heading in that direction. The thing is, though, they weren't desperate. Everyone wanted to get the job done, but it was cutting a little closer to the bone than it had in years' past. I hope that by next year things will have improved enough that we can relax a little as we drink too much and bid too much and eat (very decent) catered food.
In case you were curious, Our Lady of Fabio did go home w/ someone, don't know who, for somewhere in the $75 - $100 range. I hope they like her! And the photo above is of my Dear Son, taken by the father of one of his classmates, that was part of a book of pictures of all the 3rd graders. It was our one big-ticket auction purchase, and I think it'll make a nice memory book, since this is Dear Son's last year in that class.

waiting

2009-04-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

So right now I'm waiting. I'm waiting for it to be after 9am so I can call the caterer (again!) and work out another of the endless details that this weekend's auction involves. I'm also waiting for the auction to be over! Can't describe how glad I will be to have it done with. I'm also waiting to pick up the 5th graders at the ferry this afternoon at 2pm. They've been at science camp since last Sunday, and it's the first time Dear Daughter has been away from home like this. I've missed her quite a bit, and will be glad to have her home. I'm also waiting till next Tues when the new Southern Vampire mystery, Dead and Gone is released. Really can't wait to get my hands on it, and neither can a few of my friends who are in line to borrow it when I'm done. Little do they know that I'm going to end up with two copies, to facillitate the borrowing and lending. And there are several books at the library that I'm waiting for. That's what prompted this train of thought this morning. I checked the library website to see if any had come in, and none are in yet, though 3 are in transit. Which made me think about all that I'm waiting for. I should say something clever about the meaning of anticipation in my life, but can't think of anything. Post-call brain, I guess. So I'm just going to sit here and wait, see if I can catch the caterer, get some sleep before picking the kids up, and wait some more.

{Oh, and for those who are interested, the top picture shows a bunch of species tulips growing up from underneath a variegated pieris - that never blooms - in front of our back porch. The bottom picture is the new bed we put in along the back of the house as part of our 'build a pathway and clean up the garbage can situation' project last year. These were the only bulbs I planted last fall, and they sure are pretty. You can kinda see the smoker and the shed that now covers the trashcans. Looks a whole lot better than it did.}

she's back....

2009-04-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

Just picked up Our Lady of Fabio from the frame shop. They did the nicest job. She looks so pretty. I hope she brings in some $$ from the auction. Speaking of the auction, did I mention I'm the catering coordinator, and the event is less than 2 weeks away. Am starting to get a little bit twirly about it. And I'm sure there are a couple of other things going on. Both kids are on soccer teams and Oh, Yah, I haven't finished planning the music for the quarter that started April 1st. I think I have a start date for the UW, and we're refinancing both our home loan and the condo loan. Still need a tenant for the condo. Anyone want to rent a 1 bedroom in a great location?

good day sunshine

2009-04-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

What a difference a couple days make. Wed April 1 we had snow, and today it was sunny and nearly 70 degrees. Even better, both kids had soccer games this afternoon so I got to sit outside and enjoy it. Yesterday I saw a headline on the PI website that said something like, Survey Finds People More Optimistic, and I thought, "well yah, it's way easier to be optimistic when it's sunny out".

And I do feel more optimistic than I have in a while. We got through our taxman visit without too much fuss. The IRS will actually end up owing us money for a change. We'll take it. And I got Dear Son registered for Lowell, the Public School accelerated program we wanted him in. He ended up qualifying for a couple of their programs, based on our appeal, but the APP was the only one with a guaranteed spot, so that's what we're going with. It's such a relief to have that done, and we're finding that the other St C's parents are surprisingly supportive. I've gotten several emails from people wishing Dear Son well, and people talked to us about it on the soccer field today. It's nice. I (SERIOUSLY) hope he likes it.

Holy Week started last night. I guess you could say we were the kick-off at the BSC Vigil service yesterday. The music was absolutely lovely, if I do say so myself. Sang with a couple other women, who besides having a fabulous blend cracked me up with their breastfeeding horror stories. You probably had to be there, but it was fun. And I've converted one (and possibly both) to the Southern Vampire mysteries. It's all about Sookie, you know. And at the end of Mass a young couple came us and asked us if we'd sing at their wedding in August. Yay, a gig!

So things are looking up. Still don't have the condo rented, and am not sure how I'm going to manufacture the money to get all the bills paid and whathaveyou in the short term, but it'll all work out in the end. I think that should go on my tombstone, "It'll all work out". Right next to, "but she tried hard".

nothing's sure but.....

2009-03-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

So today we get our taxes done. No way not to be stressed about that. The last couple of years have hit us hard at tax time, but we've made more of an effort to pay quarterly taxes on Dear Husband's business this year, so we should be in better shape. I hope. I'm still kinda sick with it. Pretty much all the money Dear Husband has brought in since the first of the year has gone to paying one kind of tax or another. Will be glad when this phase is over.

On a happier note, the women who came over last night to rehearse for Good Friday sounded absolutely wonderful. It's going to be a really cool service. I was thinking about it yesterday, and it's been something like 15 years that a women's ensemble has sung the Martini (composer) Stabat Mater at Blessed Sacrament Church on Good Friday. I know of one year that was an exception, but other than that, it's been a long-standing tradition. And this year Lovely Mary & I are going to sing the Vivaldi Laudamus Te on Easter Sunday morning, which will be our third year of doing that, and we've been assured that after two years it's a tradition too. Maybe ..... but it'll be fun to sing and pretty, tradition or not.

And, because there's never enough church music, my friend JA is putting together a chant ensemble to sing an Evensong service at St Mark's Cathedral on Wed 4/15. He sent out the music yesterday, and it's pretty cool stuff. Some cool antiphons/psalm verses, and a couple of Medieval hymns. I've sung one (Mors Vite Propitsia - I think) before, but the other is new and it's in Italian, which means I'm going to have to actually look at it beforehand, because I'll have a solo verse and I'll want to to actually SOUND ITALIAN, which for me is easier said than done. I can usually turn good ol' Italian into some kind of highschool French/church Latin hybrid that fools NO ONE. Good luck w/ that, Amy.

Ok, only 2 1/2 hours left until it's time to see the accountant. Maybe I'll take a nap.

keeping on

2009-03-27T10:14:00.001-07:00

So I'm still here. Long time, no post. No good reason, except that it's a busy time of life. Today would be a great day to spend in bed. It's damp, cold, rainy, grey and altogether the kind of day that would be best viewed from under a down comforter. Not gonna happen, though. There are errands to run, and maybe a trip to Costco. I'm using the fact that I'm feeling kinda draggy as an excuse to skip my appointment to donate blood. Yay me. At some point I'd like to buy a new blow dryer. Wow, that was random.

Anyway, here are a couple of pictures of the blackwork Celtic cross that I've been working on. The pattern that I'm working from is fairly large - too big to fit on my scanner, and the bits that I could scan don't translate very well. The pencil isn't dark enough to show up so it doesn't look like much. You'll just have to trust me that it's going to be cool, based on periodically updated photos. Our Lady of Fabio is at the framers, baby Sophia got her crocheted blanket (that by an entirely fabulous coincidence almost exactly matches her 'going home from the hospital' outfit) and my sisters socks are blocked and ready to be mailed. Progress progress progress.

Anywho, I should really get moving. Step away from the computer, Amy. The 3rd Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter book is waiting for me at the library, and I'm using it as incentive to get myself out of the house. Watched Twilight with Dear Daughter last weekend. The next time I'm at Costco I'm going to get her a copy. Maybe today? She's so into it. It's All Vampires, All The Time at our happy household. Ok, now I'm ready to move.

thinking about.....

2009-03-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

1. Writing

So a few days ago I went over to Vincent's apartment to record some background vocals for a CD he's working on. While I'm not sure I did exactly what he wanted, I think in the end he was more-or-less satisfied with what he got. Vincent is a friend from church, and he did the recording for my band's CD last spring. He's great to work with and it was a lot of fun. While I was over there, we got talking about the direction my band is heading in (hmmm....where are we heading exactly?) and he asked if we ever did original tunes. That would be No. But it did get me thinking. So then on Sunday, while the family & I were sitting in the lobby of the Paramount waiting for The Lion King to start, I mentioned to Kent that I was thinking about trying to write a song...or two. He asked what it was that I wanted to say with my song(s). Don't know the answer to that. It seems that before you can write good songs, you need to have something you want to say. Back to the drawing board, I guess.

2. A new job

For the last 5 years or so, Seattle Childrens (my employer) has had a contract to provide NNP services at the UWMC NICU (where I choose to work). For a variety of reasons that contract will not be renewed after June of this year. However, the UW has posted positions and intends to cover the unit with their own NNPs. So basically I get to choose whether I want to change employers and do the kind of work I want to do or stay with Childrens (where I'm approaching the 22nd anniversary of my hiring) and work at either Prov Everett or Overlake. I've worked in both of those hospitals, and it's not bad work, but I like the UW NICU better. The offer they've made me is very close to what I've got w/ Childrens, from a financial standpoint. It's a tough decision. Not sure yet what I want to do.

(Hey, the title of this post is "thinking about...", not, "decisions I've made").

3. Matti's school

The appeal letter w/ copies of various test results was dropped off at the Public School admin office yesterday. We should hear back in the next couple of weeks - supposedly they'll be notifying people in time for them to complete the on-line registration by the 3/31 deadline. We'll see.

4. Music for Lent

The Women's Chant Choir sang last weekend, which was the first Sunday in Lent. There were a couple of new people joining us, and altogether I thought it went very well. I need to pull up the bootstraps and put some serious planning into the Good Friday service.

I've also been thinking about the whole process of Lent. Last week I put an update on Facebook: Amy is thinking about what to give up for Lent (or something like that). And over all, I'm inclined to want to carry over the theme from the Chant retreat and work on making space for contemplation, rather than worrying about giving something up. I've got a book, Radical Amazement, that has very short chapters and exercises for prayer at the end of each, and I'm trying to read one chapter every day or every other day, then use the exercises to frame my thinking for the rest of the day. So far that's working. Miss T helpfully suggested on Facebook that I give up one activity a week, in order to feel less frantic, and while that's good advice, I think I'm going to approach it more from the perspective of trying to be more conscious about how I'm spending my time. I know I take on a lot, but everything I've got going on is meaningful to me, in different ways, so I will work on changing my approach rather than changing my schedule.

5. Daydreaming about my Sekrit (Viking) Boyfriend ;)

Ok, so I'm reading a lot of fiction, which is really not something I've done much of lately. I'm quite addicted to the Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris, but have moved on from there. In the last week or so I've read one of the Harper Connelly mysteries, also by Charlaine Harris, and have read the first Anita Blake book by Laurel Hamilton. The continuity thread seems to be that all these books have vampires or other occult elements. Last night, the NBC news trailer had Brian Williams (and his tie) saying, "And later this evening, we'll take a look at how Americans are distracting themselves from the grim economic situation". I laughed and said, well, I'm reading about vampires, that's how I'm doing it. Whatever works.

6. Finishing socks and a baby blanket

Finally finished the re-do on the Christmas socks for my Dear Sister. I made her a pair last December, then mailed them to a really old address so she never got them. Still need to stitch the toes closed and block them, but am getting close. And I'm also working on a baby blanket. Am using bamboo yarn, and it's really soft and has a beautiful luster. Am a little less than half done on it. And when the crochet projects are done, I'm going to start the Celtic Blackwork Cross. And also have to run into the frame shop to see how much it's going to cost to get Our Lady of Fabio finished, since the auction donation deadline is this week.

7. Writing some more

This post got a little long. I guess I did have something to say here. Perhaps I should make shorter, more frequent posts. People I respect have told me I write well....ok, they're friends of mine, and have to be nice to me, but still. I'm 46, kind of old to decide to be a songwriter when I grow up, or to start writing short stories or something like that. But I was motivated by something to start this blog, so perhaps I should look at that impulse a little closer and see where it gets me.

it's SOOKIE, not Snookie....

2009-02-23T09:53:00.000-08:00

(Yes, Mrs B, that was for you.)

So my newest obsession is the Southern Vampire Mysteries by Charlaine Harris. How I got here is kind of a funny story. The morning before I left for the Gregorian Chant retreat last month, I stopped by Barnes & Noble to buy something Matti wanted. At the check-out there was a display of all the books in the Southern Vampire series. The main character is Sookie Stackhouse, and the first one is the book that the HBO series True Blood is based on. They looked interesting, and I know from past experience that by the second evening of the retreat I'm usually ready for something that DOESN'T involve serious interior dialogue &/or contemplation, so I bought the first one, Dead Until Dark.

Sure enough, that Sunday evening I needed a break from all things chant, so I pulled up a chunk of big fluffy sofa in front of the gas fireplace in the retreat house great room and started to read. And kept going until I'd finished it about 4 hours later. And then I hit Barnes & Noble after I got back from the retreat the next day and bought the second. Finished that rather quickly too, and started ordering them in pairs from Powells until I'd read all 8. Figured that by ordering them on-line I'd have to pace myself a little bit and it would take a little longer to get through all of them. And it was really fun checking the mail box every day, hoping that the package from Powells was here.

So by now I've read all of them at least 3 times, some of them 4 times. Wasn't kidding about the "newest obsession" part. The books are about vampires and werewolves and other supernatural creatures. It's the first time in (literally) years that I'm not reading something that's either nonfiction or from the Children's Lit section. I think my favorite is Club Dead, because it's such a good story, and you can really see Sookie's good qualities, her loyalty, resilience, bravery and independence. It sets up the rest of the books really well, introducing themes that she's going to have to work through. In all the books, the kaliedescope of details and the humor are just addicting. This is the most fun I've had in a long time - been good for the marraige, even (hehehe). I get the irony of it, though, that I went off to find my spiritual center last January, and found something else entirely (!). Charlaine Harris tells a ripping good story, though, and I hope you all at least check out the first one.

Now on to a couple of completely different topics. Last week I went to Threadneedle Street in Issaquah and bought floss for the Celtic Cross blackwork pattern that I've sketched out. The inspiration was a Thomas Merton drawing that I saw at the retreat last month, and I'm excited that I'm actually working on an idea that I developed at the retreat. I always seem to come home with ideas, but have never actually gotten this far with any of them before.

And in case you're wondering, we're still working on where Matti's going to go to school next fall. The private testing he did went really well and they recommended that we get him into a gifted program. Then we got the notice from the Public Schools that based on their testing he didn't qualify for any accelerated programs. Guess he didn't have a good day when he did their testing. So we're putting together an appeal, and hope to get him into the gifted program after all. If not, we'll stop putting money into our retirement account and get him into one of the (very expensive) private schools that run accelerated programs. It's never simple.

happy birthday

2009-02-12T21:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Daughter turned 11 today. I feel like I should be able to say something profound and meaningful about how blessed we are to have her as part of our family, but I can't seem to come up with anything that doesn't sound trite. Here's a story, maybe. At work tonight I was telling the charge nurse that I'd got up early this afternoon to bake Dear Daughter a giant cookie (think roasting pan-sized) so her class could have a birthday treat. I said something about what a lovely girl she's growing up to be, and the charge nurse said, "I can tell she's your joy. You always smile when you talk about her."

women of a certain age....

2009-02-09T15:50:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I worked a 24-hour shift, and one of the first things I heard when I got there was that we were expecting 24-week twins. These twins were notable because the OB team expected them to be extremely small, smaller than normal for babies that premature. So I immediately thought to myself, "O crap, I left my readers at home".

I recently bought myself a pair of 2.25 magnification reading glasses, which are a step (or two) up from the bifocals I've been wearing. My bifocals aren't strong enough, and I'd had a couple of episodes lately where I felt like I was doing procedures on very small babies using the Braille method. Not a good feeling, really. I had my eyes checked by a new ophtho guy, who told me he'd write be a prescription that was basically the same as the glasses I was wearing. I suggested he run his exam again, because I was having a fair amount of trouble, and he grudgingly said he'd write for something stronger, but then I never got them filled because my insurance doesn't cover very much and $15 readers are cheaper than a new pair of prescription bifocals. But then I have to remember to keep them with me.

Once I realized I might have a problem, I called the Dear Husband and asked him to run them over to me. Conveniently, he was going to be heading in my general direction because Dear Son was at a sleepover with his BFF, who lives near the hospital. Then, because I wasn't sure when the babies were coming and whether Dear Husband would get there in time, I went through the unit and asked all the nurses if they had any readers I could borrow. There were around a dozen nurses working in the NICU yesterday morning, all women, and most my age or older. They all got exactly what I was talking about, and most had a pair stashed away "that I use for IVs" or some other procedure where you need to really be able to see. It was actually fairly touching, how willing they were to drop whatever they were doing and help me out by finding me some glasses. I borrowed a pair of 2.5's and got the lines in with no problem, because the babies came before Dear Husband got there. Both of the twins were alive when I left work this morning. And they were very very small.

she is done

2009-02-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

I've finished Our Lady of Fabio. Wow. I've also made fairly good progress on sketching out ideas for a blackwork Celtic Cross. Which, given how much time I've spent reading Sookie Stackhouse mysteries lately, is fairly amazing. The house is a mess. And there's really not a whole lot else to say. I'm just going to go back upstairs, pour another glass of wine, and admire my work.

testing

2009-02-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

So my dear Son is very smart. It's not clear how smart, but I guess that's kind of a moving target. I've had at least one professional, family-therapist type label him "gifted". Of course, she got to know him when we brought him in because he was getting into fights on the playground. I don't like to think in terms of labels.

This year and last year we had him tested to get into an accelerated program through the Seattle Public Schools. Last year he qualified for the Spectrum Program, which was cool, but we decided not to send him. First, I really wanted to keep him in a Catholic school, and last year the main motivation for getting the testing was to give St Cs hard data they could use to enrich his program. Also, we decided that really what he needed to do was to learn to get along with other kids, and a Catholic school was a great place to do that. If I could have a do-over, we'd try to put him in the Spectrum Program already, because it's not fair to St C's to make them reinvent the wheel for one kid and the whole "getting along with other kids" thing is a lot harder when you're bored out of your mind.

But we didn't go for the Spectrum Program last year. The other thing about last year's test results is that they were very close to qualifying for the APP (highly gifted) Program. We could have written an appeal, which would have required independent testing by a private tester. Read, very expensive, and also impossible to schedule after the letters from the public school came out last January, because every parent's little darling needed private testing to get into the APP.

So this fall we had him do the public school testing again, and I also made an appointment with a private tester, figuring if he was close again we'd want to write the appeal and we'd already have an appointment on the books. And the test is scheduled for this morning. Unfortunately, between the Accelerated Learning office and the US Post Office, we don't have the letter from the public schools yet. So we don't know how he scored. I've already rescheduled once (for a $60 fee), and when I tried to do that yesterday, I couldn't. Apparently some people already have their letters, and the testing guy got at least 20 calls yesterday from people wanting to schedule things. He's booked into March, which would be too late to write the appeal.

So, our choices are to cancel the test, which, because it's so close to the testing date would cost us like $150. Then we'd have to live with whichever program the fall testing got him in to. Which might not be a problem. Or it might be. Or, we could go through with the test (close to $800) in case we want to write an appeal. And that's what we've decided to do. It's a lot of money, but he's really bored and if it weren't for his BFF, I'm not sure how we'd be keeping him at St Cs. Kent and I sat down and looked at all the information we had (which is tricky, because they don't really let you in to see the school until you're accepted into it....at least for Lowell, where the APP is) and decided that having the independent testing gives us the most flexibility and so we're going ahead with it. The public school system here is in a bit of turmoil, with schools being closed, and it's supposed to be hard to get a kid into the Spectrum programs in the North End (where we live) because there's so much competition. Apparently even if you test in to Spectrum there's no guarentee you'll get a spot.

Bottom line is he needs to try a different school, where he's with more kids who think like he does (well, probably not exactly like he does, but something closer). He needs to be in a place where he's challenged, so that he learns how to stretch himself and he gets the feeling of satisfaction from taking on something hard and doing it well. Right now about the only place he gets that is at the piano (which is another whole post). We want to do what's best for our kids and we are blessed enough to be able to come up with the money to pay for the testing. Good luck this morning, Little Dude.

sleep deprivation

2009-01-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. Much of the time. Like, yesterday I worked a 24-hour shift, cut out for 3 hours in the evening to run up to church for choir practice (thank you SSH for babysitting for me), got back to the unit in time to go to the delivery of a baby who needed immediate transfer to Seattle Childrens and despite that got midnight rounds done generally around midnight, got to bed ~ 1am, got woken up twice, got up for good at 6am, then came home from work, and, instead of trying to get a nap, stayed up and read the 4th Sookie Stackhouse mystery - for the 2nd time. So some of the sleep deprivation might be self-inflicted. And while that big long sentence sounds like a lot, it's not out of character for me. My friends call me the Action Verb. And I do get a lot done, with or without sleep. But my eyes are crusty today, and the Girl Scouts need snacks and I should really go to the grocery store. I feel like I'm a little drunk, or at least that I should watch what I say, although I haven't had anything to drink. Maybe I should watch what I write, too.

labyrinth

2009-01-22T08:51:00.000-08:00

So over the weekend I was at the Chant Retreat put on by the Center for Sacred Art. It was a beautiful and restful experience and I've spent the last 2 days trying to figure out how that 48 hour period fits in with the rest of my life. The theme for this retreat was the work of Thomas Merton, and we talked a lot about how his disciplined commitment to both contemplation and creativity influenced his faith, as well as the larger faith community that he was a part of. It's kind of funny, every year I seem to leave the retreat with an idea for a needlework project that I then don't really ever get very far with. This year, with Thomas as inspiration, I might.

Sunday afternoon we had a 3 1/2 hour period of silence. I really enjoy that part of the retreat - in years past, thinking about it has been a carrot that got me through the Christmas kerfuffle. This year I wasn't as stressed out by Christmas, so the period of silence didn't seem to be as big a contrast. But it was a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. I started out with a hike up into the hills behind the retreat house. St Andrews Retreat House is right off the beach, and at that level it was very foggy and everything was still covered with frost. The higher I got, though, the fog cleared and it was sunny. I could see the tops of the Olympic mountains and got glimpses of the ocean through the trees. There were still patches of frost on the trail, wherever the sun hadn't hit, and I wished I'd had a camera because there were some cool moments between the sun and the frosty bare branches and crunchy grass.

After my hike, I tried to walk the labyrinth. I'm not a good labyrinth walker; I'm too goal-oriented. "When am I going to be done? How much farther? What am I supposed to be thinking about? Am I walking too fast? When's the revelation going to hit?" I thought I must look pretty funny, at least at first, marching along at a pace that wasn't a lot slower than when I was on the hiking trail. I think I slowed down a little, but didn't have an "aha!" moment of any kind before I was done. So I tried it again the next day, trying harder to stay focused on the moment, the right now, the breathing. And maybe my lesson is that slowing down and learning to walk a labyrinth - or engage in any contemplative prayer - is a process. Maybe I have to learn how to get through a labyrinth without needing to feel like I've accomplished something in order to accomplish something, if that makes sense. Maybe even "trying to figure out how that 48 hour period fits in with the rest of my life" is too much of a goal. Maybe I just need to let those ideas be, and they'll fit in wherever they need to.

And in the meantime, there's a blackwork Celtic cross that I might sketch out, and maybe even stitch. Will keep you posted. After all, once Our Lady of Fabio is finished, I'll need another big project. Although I called My Dear Sister yesterday to wish her a happy birthday, and it seems I mailed her Christmas Socks to the wrong address, so will need to try again. Fortunately I've already got a pair started.

[Add On - 2 hours later] Just went for the Modified Maple Leaf Death March walk (2+ miles up and down the hills of my neighborhood). When I was a little over 3/4 of the way through, I passed a man. He walked up to the corner of 94th just as I was passing it, and said, "Ho, Good Morning" when he saw me. He was a little rumpled, looked like a younger, shorter version of Bill Murray with shoulder length hair and better skin. He was carrying a black duffel bag of some kind and possibly a beer bottle (maybe root beer?). Anyway, I said good morning, and he said, "You're an exercise walker. I'm a get here to there walker". I laughed and responded that there was something to be said for both kinds. "No", he said, "only the get here to there kind. Otherwise there's no point". I laughed harder, kept walking, and thought, "Dood, you'd really hate the labyrinth, then."

our lady of fabio

2009-01-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

(photo above taken 1.17.09)

(photo above taken ~ 10.15.08)

So, as you can see from the photos, progress has been made! I worked on it for a while yesterday, and came to the realization that I'm nearly done with the actual cross stitch parts. I have some gold Kreinik braid to fill in, and some outlining to do, but then it's just putting on the beads. Oh, and I have to go over it carefully and fill in all the missed stitches. I'm a little nervous about the beading. I've been working with a 12" hoop, but there's so much beading all over the piece that I'm afraid the hoop won't work. It'll catch the beads it's clamped over and may pull them out of place. I do have a plastic "Q-Snap" frame w/ the clamps, but am not sure it's big enough. So I might need to get stretcher bars to do it right. I've not done a project that has this much beading before, so it'll be a learning experience. On the plus side, though, I should easily have it done and framed in time to donate to the St C's auction. And in case you missed the joke, I've christened the piece "Our Lady of Fabio" because if it was a movie photo for some kind of Christmas movie, you'd need Fabio to play Joseph. I'd done a large Our Lady of Guadelupe cross stitch and really liked how it came out, and always wanted to try one of these Mirabilia pieces, but the more I worked on it, the more I realized it's too romantic for even my taste (which tends towards the romantic). Hopefully one of our St Catherine's parents will appreciate it enough to bid on it.

And now I'm off (or will be later today) for my annual Gregorian Chant retreat, but on by the Center for Sacred Art. It's a chance to chant the hours with a group of other like-minded (off-beat, a little wierd, eccentric at least) souls. This year the theme is Thomas Merton, which should be interesting. I don't know a lot about Thomas Merton, but have checked out a few of his books from the Library, so look forward to a weekend of learning and reading and chanting. I was going to bring Our Lady of Fabio along, to work on tomorrow during the 3-hour silence, but unless I can get ahold of some stretcher bars, I'm afraid I don't have enough work left to do to make it worth the trouble of bringing her and all the necessary supplies. Which leaves me sorta scrambling for a project to bring. Because you know I can't go away for two nights without something to do with my hands!

sock photo

2009-01-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

This is the photo of the nearly-completed Christmas socks that I'd meant to include with the previous post. They looked much better when they were blocked (and, in the case of the last pair, when they were finished). I've got the pattern down pretty good, and am looking forward to hearing back about how well they wear.

can't take it all seriously

2009-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Watched the Golden Globes last night. I may be the only person in the country who LOVED Drew Barrymore's hair. She looked like she was channeling Marilyn Monroe in a good way, and it was fun and different and cute. And I thought Renee Zellweger was channeling Sharon Stone, and NOT in a good way. And there were way too many white/cream/metallic/NO COLOR dresses. And I LOVED Marisa Tomei - but I've always had a thing for long lacy sleeves. I might have to go buy the Target version of that outfit as soon as it comes out. And when I first saw Sting on the red carpet I thought, "Who's that old fossil?", and about had a heart attack when I saw it was Sting. Wow, Dude, No. You're making the rest of your generation feel REALLY OLD. Other than that, there were a few winners and losers, and then there were the awards. What did you guys think?

In the meantime, I finished crocheting 5 pairs of socks to give as Christmas gifts, and now am working on a pair for myself. And I've started to put some serious time into Our Lady of Fabio, the Mirabilia cross stitch Madonna and Child that I started like 18 months ago. I want to donate it to the St C's school auction, and am hoping to convince one of our local frame shops to give me a break on the framing as an auction donation. Will take a picture soon to show progress. Because I am making progress. Slowly!

puer natus in Bethlehem

2008-12-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

I've sung in church on Christmas Eve every year since 1990. This year, I went with Dear Daughter to the Children's Mass (5:30pm) at St James Cathedral, where she sings in the Schola Cantorum. The kids sounded great, although they were underutilized as the tenor soloist sang some of their bits, and I had the (uncommon - for me) experience of sitting through a Christmas Eve service as part of the congregation. It was lovely.

After the 5:30 Mass, we slowly drove from the Cathedral to St Catherine's. The roads were terrible - snow and slush and ice - and even with chains on it was a tricky drive. But both kids sing in the Children's Choir at St Catherine's, where they go to school, and that Christmas Eve Mass had started at 7pm. Dear Husband and Son were already there, and while I'd told the choir director that Dear Daughter would be late, I think I'd imagined we'd be there before the Offertory ended. Oh well. It was a tricky drive, and we did the best we could.

Then once Communion started at that Mass, I took off for Blessed Sacrament. I was the solo cantor for the 9pm Mass, along with a harp, cello & organ. We had planned some pretty cool music for Communion, although the cellist either fainted or had a seizure right before the Creed, which was scary. They took her over to the Priory and she was able to walk on her own, but I don't know how she's doing now. After that Mass was the rehearsal for the Carol Service, which started at 11pm, and then Midnight Mass. The choir was the best I've sung with at Blessed Sacrament, and it was all a lot of fun. Then I went home and made a cup of hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps and whipped cream out of the can. Tasty. We have some Trader Joes "Sipping Chocolate" that's dark and not too sweet and really good. It was a just reward for my night's effort.

Mary was a Riot Grrl

2008-12-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

So last night I was rehearsing with the Women's Chant Choir, and at the end of the rehearsal decided to teach them this Ave Maris Stella hymn. I've sung this hymn at a chant retreat that I've attended the last few years, and it always seems to have a different kind of energy than other Gregorian hymns I've sung. It's so simple, and the way the word stresses fall make it feel more rhythmic without actually putting any dotted rhythms into it. There's kind of a wild energy that can happen with this piece, especially when you start throwing drones into it, or maybe some organum, and it's really cool. I tried to communicate that to the choir, but don't think I did a very good job of it.

It started me thinking this morning, though, about how the kind of energy that I hear in this piece might reflect on the person it was written about. Did Mary have that wild energy? Was she fierce? What you read about her in the bible is so sketchy - there are very few places that actually mention her - that it's possible to read all kinds of things into her. But I think the answer to my questions is 'yes', she was fierce. While probably her most famous line, "Let it be done to me according to your will", is fairly passive, I think it took enormous willpower to then get up and go out and face the neighbors knowing they were at least likely to think you were crazy, if not worse. And, having been pregnant a couple of times, I can tell you that riding anywhere on a donkey near the end of my pregnancy would have been beyond my capability. Anyone who's ever dealt with a 2-year-old knows it takes some attitude. There's only so many times you can stand to hear the word "No"! And in the end, she witnessed the death of her child, and I don't care how your child dies, crucifixion or cancer or stupid teenage drinking accidents, coping with it takes a strength that I'm not sure I have. The brief mentions she gets in the Bible smooth out so much of the stuff of daily life that she comes out submissive, "contemplating things in her heart" instead of taking an active part in the proceedings. But anyone who's ever been a parent knows that can't be the whole story.

To me this hymn is sung to the young Mary, the one who talked to the Angel and rode the donkey and gave birth in the manger. It's a young girl's voice I hear, and I can't altogether explain it. But I know it needs a different kind of energy than what we usually bring to chant, and I want the Chant Choir to have the range needed to capture that, as well as the more subdued stuff. It took a fierce and awesome will to accomplish what she did and I want this hymn to be a tribute to that.

sunday evening post

2008-11-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

Finally! Two pairs of socks are done. Only 3 more to go before Christmas. Or thereabouts. It did turn out that with both socks from the larger pair the variagations lined up in a fairly regular chevron pattern. Didn't look for anything special in the yarn when I started each one off, so it must have been the difference between making 48 stitches around vs 44 stitches. The next pair I make will be with a similar variagated yarn, but will be even larger, so we'll see how that works out.

And then at work the other night I had time to finish one more bookmark. It might be a bad thing to post about stitching at work, but really I'm there on call, so if the babies behave, I have time to stitch. I kinda like this bookmark. Instead of using perle cotton to make the kloster blocks, I used a fine alpaca wool. It's really soft, and I like the contrast between the wool, the silk thread I used for the rest of the stitching, and the linen I worked it on. I only have one more bookmark to work, and then I'll have a dozen for the Advent Fair. I started the last one this evening at a birthday party. The party was for a good friend's daughter, and since this friend is the one who's coordinating my participation in the Advent Fair anyway, it seemed appropriate to work on the bookmark at her house. And I thought if I was stitching I wouldn't eat as much. Yah, right. But I got a fair amount of work done on the bookmark, and the Advent Fair's not until next weekend, so I'm in good shape. And then I can go back to crocheting socks.

I have to say that I'm a lot more relaxed about The Coming Of Christmas than I've been the last couple of years. Last year I remember approaching Advent with an almost overwhelming feeling of dread. I just had no idea how I was going to get everything done. Well, this year I have no more time and even less money, but I'm pretty sure it'll all work out. I've been thinking a lot about what's important to me at Christmas, and it's really 3 main things. I want to spend good time with my husband and children, spend good time with friends, and make good music. Not necessarily in that order. ;)

Toward that end, I can say that this weekend has covered all those bases. Laughed a lot with friends at the party tonight, had a date with the Dear Husband last night, have hugged the kids at least once every day, and made some good music at Mass last night. The Women's Chant Choir and I did the Verbum Supernum Prodiens hymn that I posted about a couple weeks ago, and if I do say so myself, it rocked. Hard. If it's possible for a 1000 year old Gregorian hymn to rock, it did. So Advent's gotten off to a good start, and I'm almost done with the bookmarks, and the socks look do-able, and I'm in an ok place.

what I am thankful for

2008-11-27T06:14:00.000-08:00

I am exceedingly thankful for the three people in the photo above. Dear Husband is a wonderful man, and the Dear Children are bright and happy and healthy and a lot of fun to be around.

I am thankful for all the benefits the Lord has shared with me: a warm house, a good job, and wonderful friends.

I am thankful for our new President and I am thankful to be alive now, in challenging times, and hope to be up to the challenge.

I am thankful for my garden.

I am thankful that I have the eyes and hands that can do really cool needlework and crochet.

I am thankful that I have the opportunity to share my music with others.

Illumina faciem tuam super servum tuum, et salvum me fac in tua misericordia: Domina, non confundar, quonium invocavite. (Make thy face to shine upon thy servant: save me in thy mercy. Let me not be confounded, O Lord, for I have called upon thee.)

this was supposed to be easy....

2008-11-22T06:36:00.001-08:00

Ok, so here's another installment in the saga of the Christmas socks. The good news is, I actually finished a pair. And (always looking for the positive), I'm really REALLY getting to know this pattern. One might suggest that I could have saved myself some trouble by reading the pattern book more carefully before beginning, but that would have been very much out of character. It's been an interesting journey, though. It took me a while to figure out that the stitch I'm using has a right and a wrong side. And I still haven't figured out how to make the right side of the body of the sock match up with the right side of the heel (sort of a cable pattern) without leaving out a row of single crochet. Last weekend I took one of the finished socks (in a nearly finished state) as well as one of the three false-starts to Pacific Fabrics, where I was going to ask a salesperson for advice. I had the good luck to run into a crochet instructor at the end of a class, and she looked at what I was doing and said, "well, if you need to leave out the row of single crochet to get it to work, then leave it out, because what you're doing looks fine". Duh! I was making myself crazy over that, and she made it so simple.

So, now I've started the second pair, and, apparently, grabbed the yarn in the right spot to make the variagations line up in a nice chevron pattern instead of the random look the first pair of socks had. Don't know if it really is where I started with the yarn or if it has more to do with the fact that I'm making this pair a size larger so using that extra bit of yarn shifts everything around enough to line it up. Guess we'll see when I start the second sock from this pair - although if anyone who reads this knows the answer, feel free to comment. And, as you can see from the picture, I still need to work on the first pair, because I've made one foot longer than the other. Will try them on Dear Daughter (they're intended for her cousin, who's the same age and approximately the same size) and see which one fits better, then try to make an adjustment. Good thing the actual crochet doesn't take long, because I still need to finish a couple of bookmarks, and have bought yarn for two more pairs of socks that I want to get done before Christmas!!

hydrangeas are cool

2008-11-15T23:26:00.001-08:00

Up 6 cement steps from our front walkway, there's a small landing and the front door. The area at the top of the steps is small enough that if the kids go up the steps in front of me it can be tricky to actually get to the door. Of course, despite the lack of space, I've got planters all along the perimeter of the landing, making it even smaller. And, at the bottom of the steps, there are three hydrangea shrubs in pots. Hydrangeas are my favorite family of plants, and I think the picture above shows why. Here it is November and this cluster of planters is one of the high points in my yard. The shrub on the left, w/ the scarlet leaves, has burgundy flowers that fade to all different colors. The shrub in the middle, with purplish flowers, blooms blue. It was given to me as a baby shower present when my Dear Son, who's 9 now, was born. And you can just see the third shrub at the far right. It's one that came from a cutting from a really big hydrangea that used to be outside the 5th floor entrance at Seattle Children's Hospital. The groundskeeper there is really cool and sold me a couple starts at their annual plant sale. That was several years ago, and honestly the poor thing spent a few years planted in a very unhappy place until finally year before last some kid or pet or other landed on it and broke it in half. I took the bigger half and put it in this pot, where it looks better than it ever has. From the other broken half I took 4 cuttings and rooted them, and now they're growing fairly well in 4" pots along the edge of the landing at the top of the stairs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DaFgADkOwk

On a completely different note, here's a link to a video I posted last night. It's Dear Husband and me singing a song at his cousin's wedding reception in Aspen. It was recorded by my brother-in-law on his little camera, and the picture quality isn't great. The sound's ok - you get the gist of it anyway - and there are a couple of places where I'd like a do-over on the tuning. But, it shows the moment, and I love the song, and I really loved working with Dear Husband on it. In his own band(s) he doesn't sing lead much (great back-up singer, though, with a huge range and generally in tune) and doesn't really play the guitar much, although he's probably the best bass player I've ever worked with. So this was a bigger stretch for him than it was for me (Resident Diva), and I totally admire him for it.

If you listen to the lyrics, it might seem like a strange choice for a wedding reception, but it really catches where we're at after 13 years of marriage. And at the reception, we found that while the bride and groom were pleasantly confused by our choice, the married couples in the crowd totally got where we were coming from. Recently I read a blog post by Sister Julie, an IMH Nun who writes about being a Nun in contemporary society. In this post, she has asked Sister Candyce Rekart, IMH about whether she's ever reevaluated her vocation. The post includes a video clip of Sister Candyce responding to the question, and at the end of her response, she talks about how there are times when she gets up in the morning and reaffirms her commitment to her vocation, then gets up the next morning and has to make the same reaffirmation. I'm not able to show the depth of her response here, but the point I heard from her response is that her commitment is a daily process. And I was completely struck by how closely that compares to marriage. There are times when it's really easy, but other times when it takes a daily reminder of my vow. And there are times when I know staying married takes a level of Divine Intervention, because it doesn't just come from the two of us.

http://anunslife.org/2008/11/12/your-questions-ihm-sisters-respond-2/

And finally, here's a photo of the chickens that live in my back yard. I had an idea for this when I uploaded the pix, but now I've lost it. It's not that important but I can't figure out how to delete the image. Their names are Eight Ball, Lacie, and Beulah Mae. And they do lay eggs. In Seattle. It's cool.

cool Advent hymn

2008-11-13T06:49:00.000-08:00

Last night was a chant choir rehearsal. We're getting ready to sing the Vigil for the First Sunday in Advent. When I put the schedule together (last August) I'd picked an Advent hymn, Verbum Supernum Prodiens, for the choir to sing at Communion. The problem was, there are two sets of texts associated with the title "Verbum Supernum Prodiens". (Also two hymn tunes that I've found, but that's another story). One text is the Advent hymn, which is early, possibly 2nd half of the 5th century but likely 7-8th century. The other (later, associated with St Thomas) is a hymn for Corpus Christi.

In the Liber Usualis, there's the Corpus Christi hymn, and I found the Advent text on-line (but no music, just words). The challenge was to somehow get something on paper that had the music with the Advent text. If I was a more organized person, I could have contact St Meinrad and ordered a copy of their chant writing software, but I'm not. I tried to find something I could just download, hopefully for free, but didn't have any luck w/ that, either. So after spending a good three hours yesterday afternoon trying to figure something out, I ended up taking a sheet of vellum art paper with notebook paper underneath it and writing it out by hand. The girls thought it looked pretty, and they could sing from it fairly easily, so it was a success.

The text is really dark and at rehearsal we spent a while looking it over before we sang it. As an example, the fourth verse goes like this:

Non demum artemur malis/ pro qualitate criminis/ sed cum beatis compotes/ simus perennes caelites.

which translates as:

Saved from the whirling black abyss/ forever more to us be given/ to share the feast of saintly bliss/ and see the face of God in heaven.

I was a little concerned that it might be too dark for the group, but they totally got into it. I loved it when Miss Soprano T said, "it reminds me that He's not a tame lion", and she went on about the strength and power of God, and how we should feel awe at times. It was a great discussion, and we will be singing an ancient Advent hymn for the first Saturday in Advent. Cool.

On the home front, I was over half way done with a crocheted sock, but decided I didn't like how it was going so I ripped it out and started over. The good thing was that if I hadn't ripped it out, I'd have probably finished it last night, which means I crocheted a sock in two days, which is greatly encouraging considering I want to get three pairs of socks (at least) done for Christmas.

And then there's the ongoing saga of my Dear Son and his winter sports choice. He really really really wants to play football next fall, and I'm using that to motivate him to join swim team this winter. I really don't think 9 year olds should play football, but I guess it's probably better to play when everyone's under 100 lbs than it would be when they're all 200+. I need a break from him playing team sports, until he gets his temper under better control, and he's a good swimmer, so I've made him a deal. He swims for several months w/o complaining, and I sign him up for football without complaining. It sounds so simple all written out here, but it's taken sometimes twice-daily phone calls to Mom (MY mother!) to work it all out in my head. Mom is so patient....

the shower was a success

2008-11-11T07:19:00.001-08:00

Had a shower for the kid's school music teacher on Sunday, and, if I do say so myself, it was a great success. It was also clearly a team effort. I had to clean house, but it was Dear Husband who freshened up the paint in several places and who took the kids off to a movie during the event. My friend D did all the flowers, which were just over the top (see above), and my friend T did the cake, which was delicious (also above). My friend the Kitchen Goddess took over and ran the food. It was great fun to bring up the vintage Wedgwood that I've collected from Ebay over the years and it all just looked so cool when we pulled it together. Instead of party games, we decorated onesies w/ fabric paint, so now she has a stash of newborn to 18 month sized onesies. I know the mother-to-be appreciated it, and I've heard back from some who attended that they had a lot of fun. Good times - and since I ended up working 2 - 24-hour shifts the week before, I could not have done it w/o the help that I had.

And then there's the ongoing saga of the bookmarks. I finished the white snowflake bookmark that I'd started on the night before the election, and I liked it so well that I did another one. I think it's the prettiest pattern I've come up with so far. The picture doesn't really show the sparkle. It's subtle, but I used a Kreinick opalescent thread for the eyelets, for the border between the buttonhole stitch edge and the kloster blocks, and also for the starbursts in the middle. They look really cool, and I'll probably do one more. I also finished another new-ish idea. It's cream 22 count (I think) lugana (I think) fabric with ecru perle cotton for the hardanger and a variagated green Weeks Dye Works floss for the blackwork stitches around the hardanger cross. It's pretty, but I wish the green were just a tad darker so it would stand out more.

I've done a total of 11 bookmarks so far, and my goal was to take 12 to the Advent Fair 12/7. Last week, however, a friend saw them and liked them so well that she ended up buying one from me. I tried to give it to her, but she wanted to support Operation Nightwatch (which is where all the $$ from the bookmarks is going). So I actually only have 10 on hand, and I was debating whether to stitch one more and take 11 to the fair, or stitch two more so that I'd have 12. I was worried, though that then I'd have stitched a total of 13, which might be a bad omen. Told my friend T that, and she said, "They, there were 13 at the table, so it'll be ok". That was the end of that worry. So I'll probably stitch one more snowflake pattern and one other TBA before the fair. But for today, I'm going to start crocheting socks, because I'm starting to stress that I won't have enough time to get 3 pairs done before Christmas.

these are making me happy

2008-11-04T13:21:00.001-08:00

The top picture is one of my dozen bookmarks, #8, and I finished it Sunday. The bottom picture will be #9. It's a new idea that I started working on Sunday evening. Yesterday at work, it was pretty mellow, so I had time to stitch in the evening. I finished the buttonhole edging, then started working on the stitching up the sides and the eyelets in the middle of the kloster blocks. I used a white silk floss with a Kreinik opalescent metalic for the stitching along the sides and for the eyelets, and,while the photo doesn't really show it, it's really pretty. Reminds me of snowflakes, and maybe a bit of drawn thread work. I'll cut the center out and needle weave it, probably doing some twisted threads to make a snowflake pattern in the center. We'll see. But I'm really happy with how it's looking.

I sat up late last night, stitching. I was at work for a 24 hour shift and the babies were mellow, as I said. The resident and the med student took naps, but I sat up watching Bill Maher on the Craig Fergusen show. I've been so nervous about the election, that it felt really good to work on something beautiful. Bill Maher was talking about his movie, Religulous, and he sounded like a fair idiot. "So, let me see, Mr Senator, you believe in a group that tells stories about talking snakes? Don't know if I want that kind of person running my government". Well, yes, Mr Maher, there is a talking snake, if you will, back in the Garden of Eden. But do you need to be so absolute, concrete and literal? Perhaps there is more to life than what you can see and hear and smell and taste. My faith brings such a beautiful rich sweetness to my life, and reducing it to talking snakes and old bronze age stories "told by people who didn't even know where the sun went at night" sorta misses the point. But I wish you well in your determined literalism. It was a good reminder that, on the eve of this most important election in my life, there's a bigger picture.

Addendum: I was talking to the unit Pharmacist yesterday, telling her about my fear that I was holding Sarah P to a different standard that was increasing my negative reaction to her. She said that we were obviously holding her to a different standard, pointing out that no one in the media has published or cares about how much $$ any of the male candidates spent on their wardrobe. Being an attractive woman, and using it to your advantage, is a double-edged sword.

new bookmark idea

2008-11-02T08:45:00.001-08:00

So in my ongoing effort to create a dozen bookmarks to sell at the St James Advent fair, I came up with a new pattern this week. It's a combination of hardanger kloster blocks and blackwork embroidery finished with a buttonhole edge. The blocks are supposed to look like a crucifix, in a nod to the religious nature of the event. Not sure if I might be the only one who sees that, but I do like the contrast between the bright white and the embroidery. I used a red soy floss for the outline, then used a Weeks Dye Works overdyed floss "Noel" for the embroidery. It has kind of a folk art feel that I like, and I'm working on a second one, this time using a higher thread count linen and tweaking the embroidery some. Still have 4 1/2 left to stitch by 12/7....

And on a totally different topic, like most of the people in this country I've been obsessing on the election, . Here's a link to what might be the best use of Andrew Lloyd Weber ever:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh9BmNuqeiQ

It's fairly complicated. One the one hand, there's part of me that does want to be happy that a woman is a serious candidate for Vice President. One the other, it really pisses me off that it's THIS woman. In addition to the fact that I disagree w/ just about everything she says, she's exactly the kind of girl I would have hated in high school. There's something so cynical and calculated about the decision to add her to the ticket that it makes me shiver.

One thing I know is that women get held to a higher standard than men do, and I wonder if I'm holding her to a different standard because she doesn't fit my stereotype of what a "serious woman politician" should be. I wonder if maybe I've been selling her short or painting her too negatively. My undergraduate womens' studies training didn't lead me to expect a pretty, charming, funny woman President. For those of us who are so ardently against Sarah P, are we kind of shooting ourselves in the foot by saying, "yes, let's get a woman into the highest office in the land, but NO, NOT THIS WOMAN"? I don't know the answer, but I think it's just that uncertainty that makes this decision seem so cynical to me.

And then there's the issue of what to do if the Republican ticket wins. I've told my Dear Husband that if they do win, I'd like to find a job in an English-speaking European country or in Australia, and move out of here for a couple of years. Not forever, but if this country insists on going down this path, then I need to get some distance from it, because obviously I'm not getting something. I don't want to feel like I'm running out on my country, but there must be something I need to learn. I believe living outside this country will help me gain some objectivity and will help me understand where the rest of the country is coming from. And I think the kids would benefit from breaking out of their safe and insular Catholic School world and learning about the bigger picture. So we'll see. Not sure that Dear Husband buys into this plan. It's fairly complicated.

Fw: one thing off the list

2008-10-22T12:54:00.001-07:00

Got the test pair of socks done today. Dear Daughter says they're very cozy. Didn't take me very long - not quite two weeks to get them done. With luck and persistence I should be able to get 2-3 pairs done before Christmas to give as gifts. Dear Daughter is home this afternoon because she had three teeth pulled this morning. So far she's not too uncomfortable, mainly complaining about the numbness in her lips. She's had tylenol and motrin, and will keep getting whatever she needs. Oh, and she had a double scoop of Baskin Robbins Gold Medal Ribbon for lunch. Hey, it had to be something soft.....

lots to do

2008-10-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting started on the whole Christmas thing. Earlier this year than most, but I guess that gives me permission to take on a whole lot of stuff that I wouldn't ordinarily try to do. Last January one of my New Years resolutions was to learn to crochet, which I have done to a certain extent. And, as the picture demonstrates, I'm now learning to crochet socks. My sister pointed out that I could BUY socks if I wanted, and is worried that the economic crunch in Seattle is worse than she thought. It's the hand-made thing, though, and I hope to get three pairs done for Christmas presents - matching socks for my sister-in-law and my neice, and then a third pair for my other sister-in-law. We'll see. If I have more time, I'll do more.

Then there's the Fabio BVM that I'm cross stitching. It's actually a Mirabilia Design "Madonna of the Garden", and it's a fairly complicated piece by my standards. It's also very pretty, like, if this is what Jesus and Mary really looked like, then Joseph must look like Fabio. Or something like that. It's cool to work on such a challenging piece, but it's not really to my taste. I'm thinking it'll be our school auction donation item this year. That gives me till May 2nd to get it done. Well, sooner than that if I want to get it framed.

And then there are the bookmarks. A friend secured a table at the St James Cathedral Advent fair, then asked all her crafty friends to make something to sell. Figured we'd all get credit without each of us having to make enough to stock a booth. My goal for this is to get a dozen bookmarks made. I plan to sell them for $8 each and donate the $$ to Operation Nightwatch. Am using Hardanger embroidery patterns that I designed (well, they're so basic that "designed" is a bit presumptious) although it's fun to play with the colors to tweak each one. They work up pretty quick, like, two evenings of stitching per bookmark. But then they have to be done by the first week of December, so I don't have all the time in the world.

There's lots to do. The house needs cleaning, and there's a stack of books that I'd like to read, but the cold wet weather makes me want to stitch. So for now, that's what I'll do.

the view from up here

2008-10-16T13:30:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year. Foggy time. This is a photo Dear Daughter took from our dining room window. We have a great view of the sky, if you can overlook Pederson's Plastic Roof next door. It's kind of an eyesore, and the power lines provide a lovely accent. But we do get to see the sky.

fall

2008-10-13T12:08:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we had a nearly open day. Between work, school, soccer, and various musical activities, someone almost always has something going. But yesterday there wasn't much on the schedule. So I decided it was a good day to plan a family activity. This idea was met with varying levels of enthusiasm. Dear Husband was on board, but wanted to do something way more involved than what I had in mind (like drive an hour away and visit a zoo and a museum and goodness knows what all else). Talked him out of it fairly easily, though, and he got to work with the What's Happening from the Friday paper, trying to find something a little smaller scale.

Both kids asked about playdates as soon as they were awake. Like, "Good morning, mother. Can I have a playdate with ______?" My son was ok with the family day idea, but my daughter, not so much. She's very close to being a teenager, and I think yesterday she got a little closer. We ended up going to the Carpinito Brothers farm, where they had U-pick pumpkins and a corn maze. Dear Son thought it was all very cool, and spent the afternoon leading us all through the corn maze and evaluating the pumpkins to find three that would work for a pumpkin snowman. Daughter sulked. When she wasn't pouting. Somehow we ended up taking home $40 worth of pumpkins - don't ask me how that happened - and she did manage to get engaged with the process of picking out her pumpkin(s). And she also liked eating the caramel kettle corn. Other than that she did a darned fine imitation of a teenager. So maybe we're in the fall of her childhood, and soon she'll be moving full on into a new phase of life. Last month she took the picture of the Aspens that's attached to this post. She's a good kid, a talented kid, and while it's sad to loose my baby, it's going to be cool watching her grow up.

baking bread

2008-10-07T09:31:00.001-07:00

The picture above is a loaf of Challah bread I baked a couple of years ago. It was my first attempt at Challah bread, and I was so pleased with how it turned out that I took pictures. I haven't tried Challah again, but I do try to bake regular old wheat bread for the kid's lunches. It's nothing special, but my daughter tells me she likes it when her school lunch is made with fresh baked bread. I use organic wheat flour, but then standard white flour because it gets too expensive to use the good white flour. At least I know they aren't getting any preservatives or anything in their bread. The peanut butter may be full of weird stuff, but the bread is good.

It's not hard to bake decent bread, especially since My Dear Friend gave me a stand mixer last Christmas. The way my life goes, it's almost more about timing and scheduling than anything else. Take today, for instance. I worked night shift last night but the babies behaved and I got a couple of hours of sleep. I mixed the bread this morning and it'll rise while I take a nap this morning (very soon!). Then I have a 1pm meeting back at work (which I might sleep through, although it'll mess up the bread). Before the meeting, I'll set it up in bread pans, but then put it in the fridge because I won't be home before it'll be ready to bake. When I get home (after son's soccer practice), I'll set it out to rise, then bake it this evening. Or the husband can bake it if I have to leave for work before it's ready. It's not always this complicated, but sometimes it seems that way.

follow-up to the previous post

2008-10-05T14:38:00.001-07:00

This is a look into my front yard. There are asters (Ruby Morn), japanese anemone, miscanthus, pineapple mint, eucalyptus, and raspberries falling all over the place. But it's pretty.

First one

2008-10-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

So I started this process today, but was interrupted by the kids, who wanted lunch. And over lunch we had to have a quick Pig Latin lesson. They're getting better at it. We debated over the correct pronunciation of "I" (ay-I, I think). But now they're back to playing, and I'm back to writing.

Took a couple of quick pictures of my yard, and will try to post one. It's pretty, in a Secret Garden kind of way, but I'm tired of being unable to walk through the front yard without getting mugged by the raspberry plants. And the eucalyptus is kind of in the way and annoying, too. I can't imagine a garden without raspberries, and love picking a big bowl for breakfast, but that's in June. By this time of year, they're sprawling and prickly and not all that much fun. So I'm debating whether to cut them back, but am afraid I won't get any berries next year if I cut back too hard. Of course, it does me no good to have berries if I can't get at them. It's overcast and cool today, so I'm not really motivated to work outside anyway. I guess the raspberries are safe for now.